What should go into our wedding booklet?
Assuming that the couple wish to furnish a booklet to help their guests follow the wedding ceremony, they should include, as a minimum, all the optional texts and readings they have selected, for their particular wedding. They can also, if they wish, include the set text of the Mass.
Suppose the couple already have one or more children?
The prayers of the set nuptial mass all focus on a couple as they set off on a new life together as husband and wife; it prays for harmony and for the gift of a family, and for "setting out on a new life together." Now, if the couple have in practice been living as husband and wife for a number of years and already have children, surely their personalised booklet should reflect that fact. Pray for your children by name; and modify the other references, e.g. "that they continue in harmony" or that "now, as husband and wife, they bring their union before almighty God, for a blessing on this, their wedding day."
If we wish to marry abroad, what are our options?
You can hold the civil ceremony at home
and the religious ceremony abroad - or both can be abroad,
in which case you'll need help from a wedding-planner in the foreign
country, plus a document from the Dept. of Foreign Affairs,
stating that there is no legal impediment to your marriage. Only
if the civil wedding is held in Ireland
will the marriage be formally registered here. If it is held abroad,
make sure you bring home a copy of your civil marriage record.
For other details, see Abroad,
and the Registry website http://www.groireland.ie/getting_married.htm
The wedding documents
(above) need to be prepared and sent to the place of the wedding
well in advance... sometimes as much as three months before the
wedding date.
The priest to officiate may be a local
priest in the wedding-church or an invited celebrant that
you bring in, with the consent of the administrator of the wedding-church.
If the invited celebrant is travelling out from Ireland to officiate, we suggest
an honorarium of about Euro 500.00 for him, to cover all his travel
and accommodation costs. This is more gracious than asking him
to submit a list of expenses later.
It is very important to show respect for the
customs of the local church where the wedding is held. A well-designed
wedding-booklet for the ceremony will help to allay any anxieties on that score. Some clergy
abroad have been offended by the apparent lack of reverence and
decorum shown by Irish wedding parties, their non-response to
the prayers, loud chattering. in church, issues regarding modesty
of dress etc. Sensitivity to local customs in such matters will
help ensure a continuing welcome for other Irish couples who wish
to come after you to those places.
What about a bilingual ceremony?
Where
the first language of bride and groom is not the same - as is so often the case
in multi-cultural Ireland
- you may wish to have the wedding ceremony celebrated in bilingual fashion, for the sake of family members
and guests with a limited knowledge of English. You priest celebrant may well be able to read all or part of the ceremony in both languages. If not, then you should at least provide the wedding text in a Bilingual Booklet, for the sake of your guests.
If the couple are Catholics but "not
practicing" can they celebrate their marriage in the Church?
This is a delicate question, that may well be raised
by the priest interviewing the couple about their wedding plans.
Clearly, for a Church wedding to be authentic, some measure of
"belonging" within the Catholic community is required.
But who "belongs in the Church"? Who are to be regarded
as "practicing Catholics" today? The phrases seem to
cover a wide spectrum of levels of "belonging", from
regular attendance at Mass each Sunday, to a looser or occasional
participation at Church functions - say at weddings, funerals,
anniversaries and major feasts, and a general acceptance of Catholic
faith and morals. It would always include a personal trust
in Jesus Christ as Saviour, allied with occasional prayerfulness
and some sense of God's presence throughout all aspects of life.
If even this loose description of Church membership applies to at least
one half of the couple, then a Catholic sacramental wedding is
possible. The priest interviewing the couple may well exhort them
to more actively share in future, in the life of their local Church
- this will be part of his pastoral duty, in helping them prepare
for sacramental marriage.
Some expressed intention of future partaking in the life
of their local Catholic Church (parish) is a normal requirement,
during the couple's "Prenuptial Enquiry" interview with
their priest.
At a Mixed Marriage, what regulations apply?
This marriage
may be held within a nuptial Mass, or without Mass, according
to the couple's preference.
If it is celebrated
within a nuptial Mass, Catholic regulations allow the non-Catholic
Christian partner to receive Holy Communion at the wedding, but this
permission does not (yet) extend to the non-Catholics in the congregation.
May our non-Catholic
guests receive Holy Communion?
In many cases,
it is customary for non-Catholic participants to come forward
at Communion time, if they wish, to receive a blessing from the
priest. They can indicate that this is their intention by folding
the arms before the chest, and slightly bowing the head. The priest
will be most happy to offer a personal prayer of blessing for
them.
For more detailed
information on Mixed Marriage, click
here..
Where may we hold our wedding ceremony?
It must be in
a building approved for the solemnisation of a marriage.
The canonical
or "normal" place for a wedding between Catholics
is the Bride's parish church. However, with the consent of her
parish priest, the wedding may be held in any public Catholic
church, with the consent of the administrator of that church.
The administrator
of the church where the wedding is to be held will ensure
that the couple make some formal marriage preparation, and that
their wedding documents are in order, before the wedding takes
place. If this priest is not also your celebrant, he should be
offered a donation for taking care of your wedding documents;
we suggest something in the order of 100 euros.
Popular wedding
churches: Because of their location or other features, some
churches are in great demand for weddings. If they do not have
large Sunday congregations, there may be a higher fee attached
to their use. Also, they will need to be booked not less than
three months in advance of the wedding.
Who may officiate at our wedding?
Civilly,
anyone
listed on the
Register
of Solemnisers
To
get a copy of the current Register of Solemnisers, apply to the
Registrar General's office.
(tel: 1890-252 076 or 0906-632900)
Note that, from
January 2008 onward, only priests who are on the Register
of Solemnisers will be authorised to fulfil
the legal requirements, so that your marriage will be valid under
Irish law.
Ecclesiastically,
any
Catholic priest "in good standing" (i.e. not debarred)
may officiate at the wedding sacrament. He may only do so with
the written permission ("delegation") of the Administrator
of the church where the wedding is to take place. A "delegation-form"
will be left in the Sacristy, for your priest to sign before celebrating
your marriage.
Thanking
the Celebrant: By the way, if you choose to have your Celebrant
as a guest at your wedding reception, it is only right
that in one or other of the speeches (normally, the bridegroom's)
he be publicly thanked for the manner in which the marriage ceremony
was conducted.
Must the local parish priest also be invited?
It is not
necessary to have either your home parish priest, or of the
place where the wedding is held, as concelebrants at your wedding.
Indeed, with his other pressures of work, the parish priest may
prefer you to bring a priest of your own choice to conduct your
wedding.
As a courtesy,
you may, if you wish, invite the parish priest to concelebrate,
leaving him free to say Yes or No. If he does join in, the priests
will share the ceremonial tasks.
Even when the
parish priest does not concelebrate, he may attend at the start
of the ceremony, to meet your celebrant and see that all is in
place; or he may delegate this task to the Sacristan.
Must
Wedding Banns be published, before our Wedding ?
Publication of
Wedding Banns is no longer required by the universal Canon
Law (since 1983), but some parishes still publish banns following
the older tradition.
To be certain
of whether this applies in your parish, you should consult your
local parish priest about it, and follow his directive.
What Fees are payable to the parish and to your celebrant?
Fee for use
of the church building (the ceremony), and for administering your documents.. This fee is variable, from
one parish to another. Wherever the main
source of income is from weddings, the fee may
be correspondingly higher.
Stipend for
the Sacristan. If s/he has been especially helpful to the couple, we suggest a donation of €50 would be appropriate
Stipend for
the Celebrant. There is no
set fee for the priest's sacramental ministry; but it is customary
to make a decent donation in appreciation for his services.
We suggest that he be offerred about half of the couple's joint
daily earnings (pre-tax!). About € 200 is usual
nowadays, but it is really left to the couple's sense of proportion
Can we plan the ceremony for our own wedding?
Very much so...
after all, the Wedding ceremony belongs to the couple.
You have the right to plan its details, within the parameters
of Catholic liturgical custom. You could compose your own wedding
booklet, from the elements given on this site, under "Ceremony". Let your celebrant know that you are doing
so, and ask his advice, whether he has any elements he wants included,
etc.
Among the details
to plan are: Music, Bible Readings, Formula of the Vows, Candle
Ceremony, Intercessions, etc. You have a choice of having a Wedding Celebration, or a Wedding Mass which includes the wedding ceremony. Either is a perfectly good choice.
If one of you is not a Catholic, it may be good to decide for the Wedding Celebration (without Mass), so that there would be no lack of inclusion of all for example in familiarity with Mass or in receiving Holy Communion, both for the one who is not Catholic, and for guests who not.
Working with
your own wedding booklet makes it easy for the celebrant to conduct
the ceremony according to your expressed wishes.
For a bi-lingual couple, should we prepare a bi-lingual booklet?
If an Irish
couple is marrying abroad, they'll probably want their ceremony
in English only - provided their priest-celebrant knows enough
English for this. But if, for example, you're marrying in Tuscany,
and your Italian celebrant can offer you only the option of Italian
or Latin, you should probably provide your guests with a bi-lingual
wedding booklet.
Similarly if
the family members of one of the spouses do not speak English,
providing a bi-lingual wedding booklet would be a courtesy to
them. You can find many of the text elements you'll need for this,
elsewhere on this site.
Can we have readings at the wedding, that
are not from the Bible?
Yes, but the
readings used during the "Liturgy of the Word" (i.e.
up to the Gospel and Homily) are meant to be from the Bible.
You could have
a short and thoughtful, partnership-oriented reading of your choice,
during the period of meditation, after the Holy Communion.
Some popular
readings of this kind are listed under "Extra Reading"
on this site.
Any other exceptions
or deviations from the usual order of ceremonies should be discussed
beforehand with your celebrant.
What are our music choices for the ceremony?
They are quite extensive, and
are described elsewhere on this site, with guidelines and examples of current
practice.
The only music that is formally
excluded is such as would be inappropriate to the religious setting
of the ceremony.
If in doubt about a particular
choice, why not discuss it with your organist (or regular wedding
singer - they have studied the matter) or with your celebrant?
In a Wedding outside of Mass, what texts
are used?
Substantially the same texts
should be used, but omitting the Offertory and the Eucharistic
Prayer and Holy Communion. Some additional texts and music may
also be used, to bring the ceremony up to similar length to one
held within Mass, i.e. about one hour.
[This option is sometimes preferred
in a mixed marriage, where the non-Catholic partner or guests
might feel excluded if not invited to take Holy Communion. But
remember: the norms allow the partner to take Communion at the
nuptial Mass, if s/he accepts that the Lord is truly there.]
How can a Papal Blessing be obtained,
for a newly married couple?
If you want
one to be read out at your wedding, you should apply for it at
least three months in advance of the wedding, along with a letter
of recommendation from your parish priest.
(Select the scroll you want, in any major bookshop.)
The cost of
the scroll includes a standard offerring that goes to the designated
papal charities, in return for the favour of having your scroll
signed in the Vatican, by
some official, on behalf of the Holy Father.
If you want
the papal blessing scroll to include a wedding photo of yourselves,
obviously you must incorporate that choice in the sort of scroll
that you select.
Who registers our Marriage civilly?
The documents
for the registrar's office are those signed by the couple, the
witnesses and the celebrant, immediately after the ceremony. Strictly
speaking, the Bridegroom is responsible to see that these are
forwarded in due time to the registrar's office.
In practice,
he may leave this task to the Administrator of the church where
the wedding takes place.
At some future
point, Ireland
might follow the general continental practice of separating the
registration from the church ceremony, and having it done at the
register office, before the ceremony.
Other
questions may be asked at the course itself
The priest who runs this course is available
to answer specific questions about the ceremony either during
his session ("Marriage in the Church") or after it.
